Lost Nines at Flopped the Nuts

Michael Heilemann.
If you have Dunstan's Time Since installed, this plugin uses it for the title="" attributes on the comments and posts. (For WordPress 1.5) Author: Brian Meidell Author URI: http://meidell.dk/blog Version 1.5: Now works without LOCK TABLE and CREATE TEMPORARY TABLE priviledges. Version 1.5.1: Can't remember what I did here Version 1.5.2: Fixed count select statement to not include spammy comments Version 1.5.3: Properly excludes track- and pingbacks Version 1.5.4: Excludes posts that are not published, even if they have comments Version 1.5.5: Fade old comments, fixed bug that wreaked havoc with Time Since Version 1.5.6: Bugfix from Jonas Rabbe (http://www.jonas.rabbe.com/) pertaining to timesince Version 1.5.7: Bugfix so old colors can be darker than new colors (stupid oversight), thanks to http://spiri.dk for spotting it. Bugfix where single digit hex would cause invalid colors, thanks to http://www.wereldkeuken.be/ for the fix. Version 1.5.8: Bugfix from Matthias Schutz regarding time_since. Version 1.5.9: Added function redefiniotion protection if people use the plugin in several places */ function blc_latest_comments($num_posts = 5, $num_comments = 6, $hide_pingbacks_and_trackbacks = true, $prefix = "

", $postfix = "

", $fade_old = true, $range_in_days = 10, $new_col = "#444444", $old_col = "#cccccc") { global $wpdb, $tablecomments, $tableposts; if(!function_exists('blc_clamp')) { function blc_clamp($min, $max, $val) { return max($min,min($max,$val)); } } function get_channel($col, $offset) { return hexdec(substr($col, $offset, 2)); } function channels($col) { $r = get_channel($col, 1); $g = get_channel($col, 3); $b = get_channel($col, 5); return array($r, $g, $b); } $max_time = $range_in_days * 24 * 60 * 60 ; function scale_channel($old, $new, $diff, $max_time) { $range = $old - $new; $c = round($diff/$max_time*($range))+$new; $c = blc_clamp(min($new, $old), max($new, $old), $c); $c_hex = str_pad(dechex($c), 2, '0', STR_PAD_LEFT); return $c_hex; } $usetimesince = function_exists('time_since'); // Work nicely with Dunstan's Time Since plugin (adapted by Michael Heilemann) // This is compensating for the lack of subqueries in mysql 3.x // The approach used in previous versions needed the user to // have database lock and create tmp table priviledges. // This uses more queries and manual DISTINCT code, but it works with just select privs. if(!$hide_pingbacks_and_trackbacks) $ping = ""; else $ping = "AND comment_type<>'pingback' AND comment_type<>'trackback'"; $posts = $wpdb->get_results("SELECT comment_post_ID, post_title FROM ($tablecomments LEFT JOIN $tableposts ON (comment_post_ID = ID)) WHERE comment_approved = '1' AND $tableposts.post_status='publish' $ping ORDER BY comment_date DESC;"); $seen = array(); $num = 0; if($fade_old) { list($r_new, $g_new, $b_new) = channels($new_col); list($r_old, $g_old, $b_old) = channels($old_col); } foreach($posts as $post) { // The following 5 lines is a manual DISTINCT and LIMIT, // since mysql 3.x doesn't allow you to control which way a DISTINCT // select merges multiple entries. if(array_key_exists($post->comment_post_ID, $seen)) continue; $seen[$post->comment_post_ID] = true; if($num++ > $num_posts) break; $commenters = $wpdb->get_results("SELECT *, UNIX_TIMESTAMP(comment_date) AS unixdate FROM $tablecomments WHERE comment_approved = '1' AND comment_post_ID = '".$post->comment_post_ID."' $ping ORDER BY comment_date DESC LIMIT $num_comments;"); $count = $wpdb->get_var("SELECT COUNT(comment_ID) AS c FROM $tablecomments WHERE comment_post_ID = $post->comment_post_ID AND comment_approved = '1' ".$ping); $i = 0; $link = get_permalink($post->comment_post_ID); if($usetimesince) $title = " title=\"Last comment was ".time_since($commenters[0]->unixdate)." ago\""; else $title = ""; echo $prefix."".stripslashes($post->post_title). " ".$count."
\n"; foreach($commenters as $commenter) { if($usetimesince) $title = " title=\"Posted ".time_since($commenter->unixdate)." ago\""; if($fade_old) { $diff = time() - $commenter->unixdate; $r_hex = scale_channel($r_old, $r_new, $diff, $max_time); $g_hex = scale_channel($g_old, $g_new, $diff, $max_time); $b_hex = scale_channel($b_old, $b_new, $diff, $max_time); $colstr = " style=\"color: #".$r_hex.$g_hex.$b_hex.";\""; } if($i++ > 0) echo ", "; echo "comment_ID."\"$title>".stripslashes($commenter->comment_author).""; } if($count > $num_comments) echo " [...]"; echo "".$postfix."\n"; } } ?> Lost Nines at Flopped the Nuts

Lost Nines

Published by Textbook 2 years, 3 months ago in On the Tube

Last night’s episode of the tv series “Lost” featured a no-limit hold ‘em showdown between Jack, the castaway’s doctor and de facto leader, and Sawyer, the white trash conman of the bunch who hordes any supplies he can get his hands on for trade.

In the final hand, Jack goes all-in, betting a gigantic pile of island fruit against Sawyer’s stockpile of medical supplies (You can tell Jack has already gotten under Sawyers skin if you consider the inequity of the bets…).

At first, Swayer pegs the all-in bet as a bit of a bluff, but Jack tells him, “You won’t fold. There are all these people watching, and you don’t want them to see you lose.” That turns out to be true, and Sawyer calls.

Jack turns over a wired pair of nines. I immediately start yelling at the TV: “YOU GONNA FUCK ME WITH THOSE NINES?!?!?!”

Sure enough, Sawyer shows a smaller pocket pair and ends up getting fucked by those nines.

Good times.

One Response to “Lost Nines”

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1 Broz Mar 30th, 2006 at 9:18 am

I’m proud to say in the lore of our game, that it was me who did the “fucking” with the nines. Of course, schoolboying Neal at the table is far from the hardest thing to do.

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